Disclaimer: This is the part where we are supposed to tell you about all the magnificent stuff we’ve done. Not gonna happen! What is going to occur next is complete and utter rubbish designed to both entertain and demonstrate precisely how clever we are ——- Which, on a 1 to 10 scale, is registering 1,721,388. Please check back frequently as this number will only go higher along with your sales revenue after you have agreed to our terms.

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Things we have done/developed/thought up first/had stolen by those who would have you believe it was theirs first and that they did it better.

MOVIES/SCREENPLAYS

‘The GrandFather’:

Originally, this film was dedicated to years of our vast and in depth research done on the crime syndicate known as The Mafia. However, after enlisting the help of enormous studios and attaching some of Hollywood’s biggest celebrities, our treatment was stolen, like a thief in the night, retitled and released. Though ‘The GrandFather’ was the rightful heir to the story that was the Cosa Nostra, it became relegated to the revenue back seat and sentenced to obscurity thanks to a poorly acted and directed film titled ‘The GodFather’. Last count, 7 people saw ‘The GrandFather’ and each requested their money back as well as the 3 hours and 24 minutes of their lives. Life is not fair.

‘Star Whores’:

This majestic piece of ‘filmsmanship’ was to be about the obvious problem on mankind’s horizon—-Prostitution in outer space. It failed largely due to the confusion around a newly released Sci-FI picture- ‘Star Wars’, with curiously, the identical first run theatrical date. ‘Star Whores’ was both punished and out maneuvered by the backers of ‘Star Wars’ and their shoddy artistry which victimized us in ‘classic guilt by similar name association’ fashion. Our project was totally scrapped and abandoned while their’s went on to achieve meteoric box office receipts. Luck smiled on them while urinating upon ‘Star Whores’–righteously.

‘Raiders of The Lost Park’:

Yet again, karma pays us a visit. We believed (and still do to this day) that parks have never received the fanfare that they deserve. This epic was the result- ‘Raiders of the Lost Park’. It failed largely due to a close in title, yet vastly inferior project hastily shot and stitched together – ‘Raiders of the Lost Arc’. First, we have no idea what an ‘arc’ even is and second, who would search for something that we have no idea what it is? Fascinatingly, their movie was a smash while our movie smashed our line of credit on our Diner’s Club Card. After a 3 week run at Chucky Cheese Theaters with zero box office, the film was replaced with Adult Pornography titled- ‘The HUNG Jury’. Both sad and interesting at a venue designed for children, this film continues to set all time Chucky Cheese records. Go figure. Evidently and pathetically,while the kids play ‘Whack A Demon’, Dad does too. You follow?

More testimonials will ensue should anyone care to partake. My advice is simple. Hire these Marketeers NOW before they are working against you and forcing your business to be, yet another casualty, on the battlefield of ‘why didn’t we do this when we had the chance’. Don’t purchase a condo at the corner of Loser & Regret.